No Contact Counseling
Stigma-free support for family estrangement
“The fact is that some of us cannot preserve our dignity and well-being if we remain connected to one or both of our parents. Even if they did their best, that doesn’t mean we have to stay in contact with them. Some wounds cut too deep. Some bridges have been permanently burnt. Some people do not change. Let’s get this straight - you are not a bad person if you choose to say goodbye to abusive family members. You have every right to preserve your emotional integrity. Our responsibility to those who abuse us cannot be greater than our responsibility to ourselves.” -Jeff Brown
Your family system may be broken but you are not broken.
Estrangement is taboo in our society. People say “blood is thicker than water,” and judge the decision to go no contact as selfish and disloyal. But here is the truth: family relationships can become unsustainable when there is abuse and a lack of accountability. To stay close would keep you unsafe mentally, emotionally or physically. You have a right to set boundaries to be healthy and happy. Therapy can support you if you are estranged out of necessity or want to go no contact with a member of your family. The decision is always up to you.
I have been on the no contact journey for many years. It was the most difficult but also the most empowering choice I have ever made. I rebuilt my life after removing myself from an abusive family relationship. I can support you as someone further along the path if this is the direction you choose. I have grieved the loss of my family member and created a life based on my values with wonderful people at the center of it. Now it is my honor to hold judgment free space for you to take the next steps that help you feel peaceful and protected.
The areas of focus in therapy:
Maintain boundaries
Reclaim play and rest
Build chosen family
Create your own traditions
The purpose of no contact is to protect and nurture yourself. This boundary shields you from mistreatment and ensures your safety. After you go no contact, you may have to set boundaries with other family members to prevent triangulation. Some relatives may try to get you to “forgive and forget.” You can choose boundaries with them that honor your personal needs and unique considerations, and they can be temporary or permanent. Therapy helps you explore your options and offers emotional support as you navigate the stress of going against familial expectations.
Maintain Boundaries
Going no contact means missing out on family gatherings and likely experiencing increased distance from other relatives who don’t understand. But you are not alone and you can build stronger connections with those committed to having your back. Seeking out community with others on a personal growth journey can help you feel more nourished and cherished. You can share your heart and life with those who make efforts to hear and know your truth. Even when you feel lonely, you always belong to yourself and to the larger human family. Therapy can help you to build healthier relationships.
Build a Chosen Family
You used to love expressing yourself creatively, but at some point you stopped. Your stress about your family situation carried over into your lack of motivation. There are many childhood pleasures you let go of and some unhealthy ones you picked up in their place. Taking care of others became the priority and gradually you became too drained. You are more artistic than you give yourself credit for and you miss having a creative outlet. Now that you have more space and time, you’re feeling the pull to return to your passions. Therapy can help you express your creativity through music and roleplay.
Reclaim Play and Rest
There are certain times of the year when it is painfully obvious that you aren’t a part of the family fold. Coping in whatever ways you can during the holidays is important, whether it is watching “Home Alone” on Christmas or volunteering at a soup kitchen to get out of your home and head. You might plan a gathering of friends, a ceremony to honor your ancestors or want a day of pleasurable distractions. No need for celebration. Nostalgia can pull you into self-doubt about your decision and longing for a happy family. Therapy can help you process the grief of missing holidays and milestone events.