How the unpopular girl became a witch

When I was a little girl I was obsessed with Teen Witch.

Not only did I want to date Brad, but I wanted that fucking amulet. 💎 I wanted to be the most popular girl. But I more often felt like the dorky best friend than the leading role.

I thought that I was a loser and ugly. I got bullied a lot in middle school and early high school. I loved my small friend group of freaks and geeks, but popular kids would call me names and throw objects at me. I hid in the theatre, singing in choir, the only place I felt special and seen.

Recently my HS friend sent me a picture of myself on my 16th birthday. I look at younger me and think - how pretty and special she was. But she couldn’t see it.

Those middle school feelings clung to me. I ended up developing “love addiction.” It is what happens when you feel totally worthless and need outside validation to feel ok. I clung to boys who from the outset telegraphed that they were unavailable. I kept trying to make them see me, like me. I was drawn to the familiar and the familiar hurt.

Fortunately, I had “the gift of desperation” and entered love addiction recovery. The first assignment for getting sober was to take a break from dating. It was like being ordered not to breathe. 😱 No flirting?! How is that even possible?! At first I felt an emptiness and restlessness. But when I stayed with it, the emptiness became peace. A space to know myself. A place to hear my intuition. I started following the instructions of the inner voice that was protecting and guiding me.

The inner voice was like my amulet, a source of power that I could trust. 🔮

The inner voice would say, “This person is being dishonest with you” or “You’re being dishonest with yourself.” It would inspire me to do things I wouldn’t normally do - like walk down a different path and find a secret garden on 13th street. I’d stumble upon new restaurants, chance meetings. Things that I always thought were coincidences I now understood as synchronicities.

This inner voice guided me down secret passageways of my soul so I could discover my creative gifts. It lead me away from danger and towards twinkly people, places and things. It became my compass for living. 

My amulet doesn’t turn heads on the street or turn my enemies into frogs (that would be fun! 🐸), but it’s helped me feel connected to my worth, which is a magic all of its own. I know in my bones that I am more than what I look like or what somebody thinks of me. 

The amulet is inside all of us. It is the gem of wisdom we get to when we stop looking out and start looking within. If you’re ready to reclaim your amulet, I’d be honored to be your guide on that inner journey. 🕯